welcome  friends!!!

names have been changed to protect the guilty; innocence is its own protection. (~_~)

random blather about america we catch ourselves telling the japanese:

yes, it was nice being #1.

hell yes, I've shot a man in self-defense; we all have.

Bon Jovi "Living On a Prayer" is a far greater song than "Amazing Grace"; that's why it's in all the karaoke books.

of course my own mother didn't vote for G W Bush.  twice.

A Brief History of Japan...or How the East Was Won.

or How the East Was Lost, depending on who you talk to.

　this Buddhist monk is chanting for alms at the west end of the sanjo bridge, a gathering spot in central kyoto.

on the backs of these men...

the Japanese salaryman...lifelong mid-level manager. slowly killed by konformity, worn to a nubbin in service to Toyota, Toshiba & Sharp...coerced into spending so much time at work, and so little at home, their own children can't pick them out of a police lineup.

It's heeeeerre!!!  The pigpandemic strikes Japan!

Not since Perry's Black Ships landed have we felt so violated by The West...

Cheers!  Kampai!
you funk drucks

　find          (^ - ^)    (+_<)    (+_+)    (o_o)    (*_*)         joy

　Made in JAPAN!!!

The Japanese people are excessively proud whenever anything Japanese makes waves in the global pond...so these 704 Kawsasaki Kazuo MILF megane are a national treasure.

Maid in JAPAN!!!

...'nuff said. but if you really need more, you should just come here.

God Bless 'em, cuz I wouldn't do it...

some good souls, shiny happy people all--foreign English teachers, who gathered on a fine day to pick up a whole lot of trash that they themselves didn’t actually leave. more...

picking fleas, saying cheese!

we live amongst monkeys...

"anybody with a haircut like that gots to be an asshole."

(quote from Weird Science, a pretty funny geek movie from the 80s.  psychopath at right from just across the Sea of Japan.)   

Look Out!!!

classroom lessons; real-life applications.  one of my English students at the beauty college with flyer for his new hair salon.  Open for bidness!    

peace! a few new blonde McFriends loitering at 1 of the 3 Golden Arches in my small town.

i fall down seven  times, i get up eight.

七転び　八起き

(a failing student's answer off the final exam at a technical college where I teach)

japan has the highest suicide rate in the world; last year over 33,000 people killed themselves in this tiny country with a population dearth...if this guy doesn't punch in at 33,001 (and I truly f*cking hope he doesn't) "I don't get this year" means I will see him next year, at the same school, in the same grade...here's hoping.

a reason to live:  

the UNIQLOCK...click on these girls to see what you're missing and watch your life tick by as you do. put sound ON (...and don't forget to come back...)

some dreams are just easier to fulfill than others:

grammar catastrophe...on everything, everywhere--like this vending machine at the internet cafe where I nap in the massage chairs.  from now on, just write stuff in japanese, ok? it's your language, it's your country...we'll learn.

2 unsleeping beauties & their head.

ASSANOVA IN A CLIP-ON.

"OK, so has anyone already done Unit 27?" In the room, a flutter of false eyelashes and some shifting of weight...

...coming correct with a natty fauxhawk, he worked for NOVA®, a large interracial dating & escort service chartered as a language school.

WARNING!!! native english "teaching professionals": reality check ahead in 3-2-1

(and less icky than donating blood & sperm)

that's right...rice flakes

he went back home...to be the guy they write Smiths songs about.    a girls tutorial

work - my daily rice: I got a few different ways to make $100; most days I execute a couple, three of them & bundle the money into one place...I teach in school classrooms of various sorts, and in language cubes at the Conversation Schools, and privately. I shuttle w/ a camera & notepad between English teaching jobs around groovy Kyoto. My prefab homelette is too tiny to both hang clothes and fit people, so most days find me traveling to the homes of private students & families, toting my bag of tricks, cards, texts, papers, toys, games...I'm like the delivery health  escorts who meet businessmen in hotels & apartments; the money's not as good, but at least the aftertaste won't kill you.

Human Damage Accident

remember the 33,000 suicides?...most of them do it jumping in front of my train.　

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usually when a student writes 'lice' of course he means 'rice'. not  this guy...he got it right the first time.

do

oops...in a JR train station, a traditional Japanese squat toilet... like the game of chess: easy to understand, difficult to master.

...and its not like they don't have western toilets, they do, they're just saving them. they have better western toilets than we do...look at the control panel for this model, I could launch the space shuttle from here. and  while locals are quick to remind that the squat toilet puts the human body into a more natural position of defecation (woof woof), every time there is only one stall taken in any public toilet, anywhere, it is always the western one.  (>_<)

　japan

pandemic

all photos, words, inanity & brilliance copyright © japandemic.com, its owners, overlords, geniuses, drunks, idiots, semanticists, morons, pedants, narcissists, poets, philosophers, poetasters, boozehounds, scoundrels, dilettantes, duffers, skirtchasers, ne'er-do-wells, mavericks & friends.  © japandemic 2009

click this picture for the sexycoolest guitars & kimonos, ever.

as goes america, so goes japan. terror-proof see-through trash cans, nagoya station.   because visible garbage is safe garbage.

sorry you can't click on this to get anything...

more gratuitous exploitation of the japanese male as sex object.

We spend the last 4 minutes silent, smiling across the table at each other in the tiny room with its speed-chess clock and poster of Las Vegas, contemplating just what it is that we are doing with our lives...more

An American guy I know wanted a taste of home in northern Japan, so he built this beautiful wood deck--surface area like 2 square miles--the only one in Japan; tour buses have placed it on their route. If u had this space u could drink a beer, watch the sunset, play guitar, land your helicopter...or if you are a toiling Japanese housewife, you have a mild orgasm as you eye this space and know what a luscious spot it makes to...

J-chick singer with lyrics tattooed on her hand.
THAT'S rock n roll.

out of the language pens and onto the street...bring the vice.

the sun rises over my small village.  　

...japanese for WAL*MART

"Wal-Mart's goods will not sell here", says a retail analyst to Japan's leading newspaper Asahi Shimbun. He says that because of their low quality, the Japanese consumers will not want to buy them.

ed. note: crybaby. actually SEIYU has fine quality goods, much better than at a real Wal-Mart.  americans wouldn't buy them at home because they demand shit quality in bulk quantity at peso pricing.

japanese has few taboo words compared with english, but in my years here I have been taught many times the same tremendous word for ugly: busaiku  不細工 always with the caveat to never ever use it.  it translates to poorly crafted, which if you study the face of the truly ugly, is an accurate & cruel description.

Let's Happy!!!

nonsense I don't miss about
the land of the free home of the brave.

a joke: *

the luckiest man will have an english house, a french cook, american salary & a japanese wife.

the unluckiest man will have a japanese house, an english cook, french salary & an american wife.

* as Freud said, there are no jokes.

...better luck next year.

bundled nicely =  still filth.