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wild  sexy  fun  japan  Lived on the Inside.  Seen from the Outside.  


Only an a$$hole gets killed for a kids class...*

I have accepted more gigs spreading the Gospel of English.  This morning I am late again. Tried to make some time by shaving faster in the shower and now bleed like an Afghan civilian. I dodge traffic on my bicycle to get to the station, legs pumping like the pistons in the boiler room scenes from Titanic. I sweat and curse, it's raining and there is a heavy wind against my face which explodes my umbrella back assways but I do not have time to stop and fix it. It has sentimental value so I can not pitch it but rather must nurture enroute this broken bitch of a bird, one-handing it all the way to some station-adjacent illegal bike parking and tether up there. Now I am behind schedule & wet, and will be all day.

* After I swerved to avoid getting clipped by a delivery truck only to nearly T-bone a large passenger car--all in a mad dash to get the train to be on time to pound some nonsense phrases into some kids--this permutation of the Repo Man line popped into my head, and I chilled right the fck out.

POW!! & Meowww!

looking out the subway window, around shijo

 An oft-told tale...

under sanjo bridge, kyoto. couples and groups sprawl, drink, relax & commingle.

 there is a mighty convenient convenient store just up yonder

this started out as a very rainy night, literally under the bridge, just us. but as the rain cleared the college kids started to coalesce on either side in their always merry groups.


Japanese Hillbillies (Airstreams & all)

like hillbillies everywhere, sitting around a circle of cans, burning shit.

smoke pours into the field across the street where children run around & try to play soccer but not need medical treatment for smoke inhalation.

this went on for most of the afternoon

a neighbor pops by.

having lost 80% O2 uptake, this guy takes a breather, as it were. this park is just across from a nice simple beach on Lake Biwa, into which we later dipped to try and rinse out our lungs.


Japan's best beer...

the ceo of a fortune 1000 company sips from a can of happo-shu swill on the evening train...sukkiri! refreshing!

for a homeless mall squatter he has taste...

and from the amused look on the face of the mall cop right, a decent rap, too.  they were all chatting for a while, the cops trying to coerce him to leave, or at least elevate to a bench, while people--natives and tourists alike--flowed past on either side like a river around rock.

(I know the place looks devoid of pedestrians; that's because I photoshopped them all out, it's actually a swinging underground bazaar)

suckulent Freak of the Week 

famous for, among other tawdry things, passing a note to a bartender at Union Pool in NYC that read: "I want to give you a hand job with my mouth." This is now on T-shirts.

btw, that's a tattoo not a lace camisole peeking out from her sweater.

this Utah escapee also asked some guy to "throw a hot dog down my hall." 

when Mormons go bad...they go really bad.

just like japan...

you can be a complete yutz and still get some skinshippu w/ a cute girlie. though she may be a grifting psychopath. still a cutie.

It's funny...the Japanese are always sitting on the bike seat sauntering to wherever they are going--work or school just like us, and are rarely late. The only people I always see haulingass all over town, standing erect on the pedals pumping like fools, swaying to and fro on the downstrokes for max acceleration, manhandling bikes like thugs, are we the gaijin. Except for the Mormons; they're always cool and under control as they breeze along...but those guys've got God on their side.


some things to not do in kyoto: 

dodder down the busy streets holding your map out in front of you like some sort of divining rod.


Let Them Eat Spam!



groovy handmade magnets...coming soon!

some we will leave at spots around towns, FREE for the grabbing.  some will be on my fridge. some we will give out as contest prizes or for small donations of ducats to help us continue our charitable work.

if you are interested...drop us a line.




Season 3

aw, check it out! there is some wicked stuff on the tube tonight!


The local free TV Guide


wear our ignorance on your sleeve...and chest...and back.

japandemic T-shirts... coming soon! 


ichiro fckng loves his brew, man!

...as do these guys.

 just a few boys having a few tall-boys at the station after a.m. lessons at a private high school.


 Mozilla Firefox vs Microsoft Internet Explorer

a note on the man-machine interface:  when I make this site and check it, or do anything internet, I use Mozilla Firefox because it is light, clean, more secure, and, until they force-fed me their last shitty Update, faster. The site looks right in Firefox.  The font is clear and a joy to read.

but because some sick number like 86% of humans still use MS IE I go in and view the site using Internet Explorer, and I always want to hang myself. the font is a mixed bag...jumbled, thin, blurry...a strain to read.  so I will go back and fatten or enlarge the Arial I love so so that IE users can enjoy it. my apologies if it looks like I am yelling or everything I say is so fckng important I have bolded it. cheers.

help...and be helped

 paging Dr. Freud...





our lawyers demand we post this disclaimer, for purposes of legal CYA protection.

Buddha says Stop.

...we're going in!

 there is a circulating rumor that japanese girls are amoral; that is not true. in fact, they even have a bible. here it is:

some scripture:

dogma, best explained by schematic:



Now you may Go in Peace.

by no means one the the Great Buddha DaiButsu of Japan, still a pretty imposing presence at the local intersection. suburban, Osaka.

penance; the sacrifice of waiting:

(sometimes referred to as The Vuittican, Paris):

...answered prayers.




Luke...use The Force, Luke.


whenever we blast through this bridge / tunnel edifice I re-live that penultimate (or damn near) scene from Star Wars IV where they have to drop one in the hole and scram. I always get the first person shooter POV because I ride in the front car with my otaku homies.   Word.

This guy (that's right, guy) is one of the hottest dudes in Japan...in an aging boy band called SMAP that is everywhere 24/7 (including, as of late, jail). his street name is KimuTaku and if I live here much longer I, too, will want to marry him.



I don't know what the hell Moving Rubber is or does, but it's sold in the cosmetics dept & I bet it pulls chicks.


a more pissed off monk I've never seen.

at a temple in Kyoto which will remain unnamed as these monks all know kickass karate moves, like Kwai Chang Cain (sp?) in Kung Fu. This benevolent soul was tasked with scraping all the coins out of the depository box and some of the little cretins weren't coming out--they were wedged flat into corners and so on, really heaping trouble and vexation on this low-ranking apprentice. I learned a few holy curse words that day.

(better photo coming which shows the tray of money and the box; this is a crappy handheld digi-photo of a Provia print in the docket to be scanned.)



(^ . ^)



been seeing a little too much of this screen lately.


fellow readers: if you like this site please spread the word like human manure over an Edo Period rice field.  thank you.  doumo arigatou gozaimasu!

posting a link to this site also much appreciated and good karma for you. 



card courtesy sparkledusted fine cards

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