handing out tissues and date rape drugs to school girls and slinky housewives.

no train, no life

early morning, light snowfall, slight tension due to train being already 72 seconds behind schedule and still not in view... which panics the commuter like nobody's business.

Rock up your wives & daughters!!!

all the language farms use the same motif in their ads*...fresh-scrubbed shiny faced japanese females of varying degree of loveliness cuteness fineness or doability, like this porcelain OL, who melt at the attention of Wally White Schmuck.  Love it!  

I actually think this guy tried to sell me a term Life policy as I was passing through Dubuque.

* I'll post more examples soon...

n.b.: OL is japanese shorthand for Office Lady, which is japanese for Sexretary. I watch the ones at the Toshiba office across the way bow and serve green tea all day to the interchangeable dronebots in blue suits. The ladies all wear nice form fitting OL sexy suits, as often seen in japorn.

and here I am helping the guy drive, standing in the corner usually filled with train-spotters and their spiral bound note pad full of scribbled train numbers.  I think the driver is flashing a Northbound gang sign at that Southbound bitch passing us frame right.

that's right. if you can think it, someone makes it out of rice somewhere, somehow.

this is actually expensive organic high octane plonk from hokkaido.

this little bastard slashed my finger but good about 3 seconds after this picture was taken.  and then had me jumping through hoops like a trained seal to get him to sign the model release.

lovely enough...but what in the world is this?

click here to find out...but hazard a guess first, won't you?

I have no money, no resources, no hopes. I am the happiest man alive.
                   --Henry Miller                 

I have eaten the head and ass off many a creature since moving to this country.　

dip your toe in the water

in Canada many of the greasy spoons & breakfast joints are run by Chinese. the breakfast menu was always eggs, bacon or sausage, coffee and toast or white rice. white rice. I try to explain to my Japanese friends what a horrifying combination that is, but of course rice for breakfast is common here, so they don't see that.  so I analogize:

imagine you come to America and go to a Japanese sushi restaurant and they give you your little slab of raw fish laid out on a 'tater tot...(which, now that I hear myself say it, sounds pretty good.)

　a brief but clear example of how the katakana* works:

mah ku doh nah ru doh = McDonald's

above is my register receipt for the Quarter Pounder with Cheese on the right. the jagged hard-edge symbols with some dashes (to elongate the sound one beat) are katakana for McDonald's & this QP burger.

in purple directly above or below the katakana, is the way to sound it out. say it slowly at first, then faster, and you will hear, roughly, "Quarter Pounder Cheese" (with is dropped for efficiency, a common occurrence in all aspects of japanese language, speaking, thinking, moving, living, loving.)

* the Japanese writing system that sounds out words originally from a foreign language, e.g., English.

　when worlds collide

one less reason to return home:

The McDonald's Quarter Pounder is here! 

to great fanfare, it has arrived in the blitzkrieg of a scary fascist red & black publicity campaign replete w/ free stickers.

　...it still hurts when they're gone.

in a country where there are still smoking (& chain-smoking) sections in restaurants, and old salarymen light up wherefuckingever, we need more of these stickers. most commonly found in public restrooms at eye-level over urinals.

they have also placed the stickers in the sit-down toilet stalls, but those are much harder to read for all the tar smear, nicotine stains and smoke film over them.

the yin & yang of an origami crane, a present from two kind students.

GOOD: they hand-made me a present.

BAD: they made it out of an important assignment handout.

GOOD: it's nice & big. A3 sheet.

BAD: it's fckng enormous...life size. like having a pet.

GOOD: it brings Good Luck.

BAD: I'm so paranoid that throwing it away will curse me w/ bad luck that I am stuck housing it, somewhere, forever.

yeah, you got it...rice donuts.

(dusted in ground roasted soybean powder kinako きなこ that looks for all the world like cinnamon sugar and tastes like burnt popcorn kernel)

at:

Mister Donut (remember?). Big in Japan.

(this remnant is of a traditional honey dipped... nothing asiao-funky experimental for me when we're talking donuts. )

Lived on the Inside.

Seen from the Outside.™

the kawadoko--outdoor patio dining perched about 20 feet (6 meters) over the river. lovely. a kyoto living experience.

woefully, this puerto rican blond single mother look still popular with a certain J-girl crowd.

his'n'hers toilet slippers.  these are in British English, note the "W.C."  they also come emblazoned with "TOILET" right across the instep, for Yankophiles. I'll try and get a photo for you...stylin'!

for great FREE photo cards to print, email or post to MySpace, facebook, etc., please visit: 

  www.sparkledusted.com  it's all FREE!

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stay

in 

the 

day

a temple roof upskirt shot...enticing.

American college students suck as tourists because they ensure that you overhear conversations like this:

(At the sushi counter)

peacenik neo-hippie spoiled brat: "Ohhh...California roll! " mocks he.

chubby Asian Unfrom girlfriend: "A japanese interpretation of an american corruption of a japanese tradition. Cute." she opines.

peacenik neo-hippie spoiled brat: "God! I hate all this post-modern (searching for best of all possible words)...crap!" (oh, hippie nailed it)

chubby Asian Unfrom girlfriend: smiles her knowing irony smirk (as best she can with half a mayonnaise roll hanging off her face).

me:  "o kaikei onegaishimasu! (Check please!)"

Let's Girl !...   shall we?

p.s. this is not a fckng blog; a blog is all about me. this is all about we.　

this is a graphic novel. file under : true dat.

2 bouquets, shijo subway station, kyoto.　

Girl...you'll be a woman soon. Coming of Age Day celebrants.

!!!! !  !!! !!

Japanese one-point lesson: CHU! is the sound of a kiss.

!!! !! ! !!! !

fellow readers: if you enjoy visiting this site as much as I enjoy making it, please spread the word like human manure over an Edo Period rice field.  thanks!

posting a link to this site also much appreciated and good karma for you.