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smart sexy cool japan what the other guys won't show you...in bite-size bits, like sushi.

For the foreigner, as well as the native, Japan is a place for small dreams...fitting in, getting by, finding hidden beauty, having a laugh and some drinks.  It's pleasant moving along from day to day...no one snipes your parking spot just because he has the angle; the hostile buffoon count is negligible, certainly vs. WAL+MART on a given Sunday. Coworkers cheerily guzzle hooch until one vomits, then all mobilize to get him home safely; tiny high school girls in short skirts walk alone on city streets at all hours without incident (only to get groped numb in the train by some guy's dad); world-class Japanese beauties sit mesmerized by third-rate duffers (like me and you).  As for guns, not even sure the cops have them. This is the most live & let live society I've ever lived & let live in.  It is also nuts; impelled by pressure, fueled by alcohol and secrets; always something curious tucked around a corner or under a kimono...


welcome  friends!!!

names have been changed to protect the guilty; innocence is its own protection. (~_~)


Random blather about America we catch ourselves telling the Japanese:

Yes, it was nice being #1.

Hell yes, I've shot a man in self-defense; we all have.

Bon Jovi "Living On a Prayer" is a far greater song than "Amazing Grace"; that's why it's in all the karaoke books.

Of course my own mother didn't vote for G W Bush.  Twice.

A Brief History of Japan...or How the East Was Won.

(or How the East Was Lost, depending on who you talk to.)

a Buddhist monk chanting for alms at the west end of Sanjo Bridge, a gathering spot in central Kyoto.

on the backs of these men...


the Japanese salaryman...lifelong mid-level manager. slowly killed by konformity, worn to a nubbin in service to Toyota, Toshiba & Sharp...coerced into spending so much time at work, and so little at home, their own children can't pick them out of a police lineup.

Cheers!  Kampai!
you funk drucks

 find          (^ - ^)    (+_<)    (+_+)    (o_o)    (*_*)         joy

 Made in JAPAN!!!

The Japanese people are excessively proud whenever anything Japanese makes waves in the global pond...so these 704 Kawsasaki Kazuo MILF megane are a national treasure.

Maid in JAPAN!!!


...'nuff said. but if you really need more, you should just come here.







keepin' shizznit fo' real in osaka.

a couple inflat-a-broz draped in fur, gucci & street cred...advertising the hip-hop shop down in the B1.  (Amemura)

on a clear day...you can see fcking wires everywhere.

"Anybody with a haircut like that gots to be an asshole."

(Quote from Weird Science, a pretty funny geek movie* from the '80s.  Psychopath at right from just across the Sea of Japan.)   

Look Out!!!

*John Huges R.I.P   (-_-)

Through the Tinted Lens of Culture...

The Fish Bone at the Dinner Party:

*by this point in the night I was too sauced, and the wait staff too keen, to snap a picture of my actual plate (which btw looked much more authentic and less Euro-designy.  My bad.)


Lived on the Inside.  Seen from the Outside.

ahhh...Japan.  where sweet, thin and feminine is not the exception.

Really Busy People:

  click here for the ADHD version of


classroom lessons; real-life applications.  one of my English students at the beauty college with flyer for his new hair salon.  Open for bidness!    


peace! a few new blonde McFriends loitering at 1 of the 3 Golden Arches in my small town.




(I don't know...it seems like there really should be something here.)

i fall down seven  times, i get up eight.

七転び 八起き


(a failing student's answer off the final exam at a technical college where I teach)

japan has the highest suicide rate in the world; last year over 33,000 people killed themselves in this tiny country with a population dearth...if this guy doesn't punch in at 33,001 (and I truly f*cking hope he doesn't) "I don't get this year" means I will see him next year, at the same school, in the same grade...here's hoping.

a reason to live:  

the UNIQLOCK...click on these girls to see what you're missing and watch your life tick by as you do. put sound ON (...and don't forget to come back...)

japandemic crazy sexy cool japan!!!
served up in nice bite-sized bits, like sushi.

...dig in!

some dreams are just easier to fulfill than others:

from the beauty college students...below & right: (green smiley faces J denote students sleeping or comatose, including someone  under the white sheepskin)

grammar catastrophe...on everything, everywhere--like this vending machine at the internet cafe where I nap in the massage chairs.  from now on, just write stuff in japanese, ok? it's your language, it's your country...we'll learn.


2 unsleeping beauties & their head.



the 30-70 stance.  and a fine example of it at that.


"OK, so has anyone already done Unit 27?" In the room, a flutter of false eyelashes and some shifting of weight...






...coming correct with a natty fauxhawk, he worked for NOVA®, a large interracial dating & escort service chartered as a language school.


Native English "teaching professionals": reality check ahead in 3-2-1


(but less icky than donating blood & sperm)

that's right...rice flakes

going back home...to be the guy they write Smiths songs about.    a girls tutorial

Hey!  Bottoms up!...

This round's on Ichiro!!!




God Bless 'em, cuz I wouldn't do it...

some good souls, shiny happy people all--foreign English teachers, who gathered on a fine day to pick up a whole lot of trash that they themselves didn’t actually leave. more...

Picking Fleas, Saying Cheese!

...one of many couples posing in the Iwatayama Monkey Park overlooking Kyoto City.

we live amongst monkeys...


'tsall about getting the shot...

Trapped & Wrapped

At the summer festival, goldfish (l.) kingyo and young girls (r.) in summer kimono yukata.  Both are cute & colorful, and will be, in one way or another, captured for their beauty.

spring be springing!     things be swinging!

work - my daily rice: I got a few different ways to make $100; most days I execute a couple, three of them & bundle the money into one place...I teach in school classrooms of various sorts, and in language cubes at the Conversation Schools, and privately. I shuttle w/ a camera & notepad between English teaching jobs around groovy Kyoto. My prefab homelette is too tiny to both hang clothes and fit people, so most days find me traveling to the homes of private students & families, toting my bag of tricks, cards, texts, papers, toys, games...I'm like the delivery health  escorts who meet businessmen in hotels & apartments; the money's not as good, but at least the aftertaste won't kill you.


...a flock of college girls in their Recruit Suits, having just disgorged from some gang job interview / information session.  The Grail here is to become an OL (Office Lady = sexretary) and snag hot green tea and phone calls for salarimen...long enough to marry one of them, quit the job, have his babies and wonder where the Good Times went.


space for rent!!!

Human Damage Accident

remember the 33,000 suicides?...most of them do it jumping in front of my train. 

usually when a student writes 'lice' of course he means 'rice'. not  this guy... he got it right the first time.

do unto others


unto others

oops...in a JR train station, a traditional Japanese squat toilet... like the game of chess: easy to understand, difficult to master.


? ?  !  (0 _ 0) ! !   !?

...and its not like they don't have western toilets, they do, they're just saving them. they have better western toilets than we do...look at the control panel for this model, I could launch the space shuttle from here. and  while locals are quick to remind that the squat toilet puts the human body into a more natural position of defecation (woof woof), every time there is only one stall taken in any public toilet, anywhere, it is always the western one.  (>_<)



all photos, words, inanity & brilliance copyright © japandemic.com, its owners, overlords, geniuses, drunks, idiots, semanticists, morons, pedants, narcissists, poets, philosophers, poetasters, boozehounds, scoundrels, dilettantes, duffers, skirtchasers, ne'er-do-wells, mavericks & friends.  © japandemic 2010

click this picture for the sexycoolest guitars & kimonos, ever.

as goes america, so goes japan. terror-proof see-through trash cans, nagoya station.   because visible garbage is safe garbage.


sorry you can't click on this to get anything...

more gratuitous exploitation of the japanese male as sex object.


who loves ya baby!?

call me...

two girls on opposite sides of the track, but on the same page, so to speak.

An American guy I know wanted a taste of home in northern Japan, so he built this beautiful wood deck--surface area like 2 square miles--the only one in Japan; tour buses have placed it on their route. If u had this space u could drink a beer, watch the sunset, play guitar, land your helicopter...or if you are a toiling Japanese housewife, you have a mild orgasm as you eye this space and know what a luscious spot it makes to...

From the cubicles of eikawademia:

We spend the last 4 minutes silent, smiling across the table at each other in the tiny room with its speed-chess clock and poster of Las Vegas, contemplating just what it is that we are doing with our lives...more

J-chick singer with lyrics tattooed on her hand.
THAT'S rock n roll.

out of the language pens and onto the street...bring the vice.

the sun rises over my small village.   

which is true...
I'm never up that early, so here's a sunset.  pretty. (the green stuff is baby rice)...
kawaii!  (^o^) 

...Japanese for WAL*MART

"Wal-Mart's goods will not sell here", says a retail analyst to Japan's leading newspaper Asahi Shimbun. He says that because of their low quality, the Japanese consumers will not want to buy them.

ed. note: crybaby. actually SEIYU has fine quality goods, much better than at a real Wal-Mart.  americans wouldn't buy them at home because they demand shit quality in bulk quantity at peso pricing.

japanese has few taboo words compared with english, but in my years here I have been taught many times the same tremendous word for ugly: busaiku  不細工 always with the caveat to never ever use it.  it translates to poorly crafted, which if you study the face of the truly ugly, is an accurate & cruel description.


Let's Happy!!!

nonsense I don't miss about
the land of the free home of the brave.

bundled nicely =  still filth.

a joke: *

the luckiest man will have an english house, a french cook, american salary & a japanese wife.

the unluckiest man will have a japanese house, an english cook, french salary & an american wife.

* as Freud said, there are no jokes.


...better luck next year.

(^ o ^)   mata ne!


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